Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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