"it" just moved
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
