Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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