he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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