Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
