I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
