no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
