Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
