your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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