whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
