Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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