i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
