Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
