Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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