i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
