i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
