Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize