So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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