I'm really into asian looking animals
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
