Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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