you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
