well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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