i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Two words: blizzard sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
