he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
