at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
