You can't special order awesome
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
