WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
