I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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