currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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