Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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