i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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