I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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