never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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