i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
