I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just pee around me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
