just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
