I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
