I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
