he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
