3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
