My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
