i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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