i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
