I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
