I got her a Nickelback box set.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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