but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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