You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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