The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Will you blow on my dice?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
