My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
