I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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