I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
