It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
