Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
