Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
