Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you had me at cake vodka
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
