hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
