You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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