The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
