Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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