Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
