just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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