I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
