At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
