i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
